08022010 - 09022010

it's a sum up post of what i did in the past 2 days...summarizing them up...well..on monday,bie came and said wanted to bring choco out for a walk...but he forgotten that he had dinner with his boss...so we went out after that...didnt bring choco,cuz i'm lazy to take care of him...we went to desa parkcity for a walk while having "the ultimate" from the coffee bean...we talk a lot bout ourselves...we feel the breeze,even there's 1 uncle put on very romantic songs..jazz and blues...we were enjoying ourselves,looking at the stars...bie said it's very romantic =) went home bout 11sth i guess...

then on the tuesday,i wana go to sunway pyramid and separate my phone bill account with louis...i did insist on going on tat day..bie fetched me...and sorry bie,for not accompany-ing you for your dinner and for making you wait...freddy was there too...he slim down already from the last time i saw him...when we're heading back,suddenly darling yuan sms me saying she's in pyramid too...i straight called her up...and i told her i'm going back already...will be meeting up with her tomolo =) i didnt wana go home when we reached kepong,cuz i'm missing bie badly even he's beside me...sorry bie,i didnt know you're tired...u should have say it out...we went to yam cha with sun kiew at big tree...slowly,i knew bit by bit bout my bie =) all thanks to sun..hehe

i couldnt sleep even i was very tired...i read a book bout "nobody is perfect"..haven finish reading it yet...it's bout how teens cant accept their own true self especially their physical look...bie called later on...saying he had sth like rashes...silly bie...we hang up after a while..cuz i noe he's exhausted after those setting up for demos (correct me if i'm wrong)...i kept tossing on my bed...still couldnt sleep...thinking bout sth...end up,i decided to sms bie bout 2sth am...almost 3 i guess

later i'm going to have a walk with bie again...let's hope that the weather is in good 1..wanted to jog,wanted to swim...but gurls had her own week =( too bad...have gotta wait...

i read bout lilian's blog again...she insulted herself of how stupid or insane she is biting herself to switch the pain from her heart to her hand...she really did all the ways like how i did it...just tat,i bit myself,scream with the pillow covering my head in my room so tat no one could hear me,imagining how good it is if there's a car accident that could make my memory loss,and i even tried cutting my hands with my blade...yes,there's blood...at tat time,there're scars too...but somehow,they recovered and poof,they're gone...

like all my frens did remember,how forgetful i am....i wish i could be forgetful on how painful that is...i am some1 who suffers memory loss and decision disorder a lot...but mainly,i forget what i said not forgetting how good ppl treat me and what they say to me...so i'm kinda useless right? blur at most of the time too...

this year,the valentine's day is on the exact same day as the cny...like how i used to think when i was single,i'm happy cuz i had my families...but now,after habing bie,it's kinda sad that you couldnt spend these days with your loved ones...we've been meeting each other continuously since last friday and i never get bored with it...instead,i'm missing him even more...hope to take more pictures with my bie in the coming days...

my own personal thoughts...

everything i wrote here,is just my personal feelings...not even bie andrew knew bout it...i've been reading his blog this 2 days...still reading it...i didnt know so much until then...all the things he went thru..

you know,it's not easy being his tenth...he is a very simple guy who's requesting his gf's honesty only...but...i do wana surprise him in every way...i wana do something different from his ex(s)...i wan him to be happier...the way i said it's not easy being his tenth because wateva i'm trying to do,his ex might have already done it or mayb sth even bigger...just wish me luck on the upcoming surprise...

i love giving my own bf a surprise because i myself love having one too...he's someone worth of...not like the past 2...who doesnt appreciate me for who i am...instead,blaming me...cant they see,the small things that i'm doing?? bie andrew saw every single thing...he's the one...even i cover up his blanket for him in the middle of the night,he's happy enough...

(this paragraph was deleted earlier by a hacker known LOUIS MOK~!! i'm re-writting this back..fucking frustrated now~!!does he know what is privacy~!!!) i was on a phone chat and msn chat with him earlier on...he suddenly talk bout our past...saying how GOOD he treated me...but i said nope...he treated his current gf better...selling his car spare parts to buy things for her...even for her bday,he bought her presents without her asking for it...but me? i'm the one who asked for a joint party and i'm the one who planned everything....he asked me to leave bie..i duno wat he want...maybe he's lost or sth lidat as his gf treated him very bad now...he scolded me,"u and evonne are the same~!!! always wanted surprise surprise surprise~!!! go find Mr. Surprise as ur bf lar~!!!" is it wrong if a gurl loves surprises?? my heart aches...pls heal me up...pls answer my question..is it really that wrong?

i show bie the cuppacakes...he said it's nice...i wonder if he likes it or not...i shall ask him later again tonite...then there might be a change of plan =)

i'm awake now...i know wat's the best for me...i just want my bie...ntg else and no one else...my bie take note into everything i said...like i said,i'm fragile and handle me with care...he remembers it...even a very small particular things,in cantonese we called it "sai sam"...he's sweet...i love you,bie

Untitled..

i had no idea for the title...sorry for not putting a proper one...i had nothing to do today...so,i make up my mind to read my dear's blog...i've read lotsa pages...so far,i've stopped reading till somewhere he's in ipoh with evelynn...

i understands why he or any1 else doesnt like speaking bout their ex...but to me,they are the past..in fact,i dun mind listening it at all..cuz i want to know more bout you,my dear...i'm still thinking a name calling for my dear andrew...it was once bubu...but it doesnt sound appropriate...still thinking of it..

i even read lilian's blog on him...seeing her suffering this much,it's very painful to me...i do bcuz i've been there...she posted another 1 just now...bout being a biatch...every steps she's taking was the same as i did...trying to be a player,be a bisexual,trying to hurt myself..trying to be some1 i wasnt...and i did hurt myself...ever since that day,i regretted till now..i hope she wouldnt do sth tat she will be regretting...hoping she'll find her own true self one day...

i really thank God for letting dear appear in my life...it's like the most wonderful thing tat had ever happen...he never mind the way i look...every small particular things,he do take attention...like ytdy,when we're eating our breakfast...and i smiled suddenly...he asked why i smiled...i didnt tell him...i was very happy smiling from inside my heart...i wouldnt mention it here,cuz i noe u'll read,my dear =P

i really want you for myself..and for myself only...i didnt know that such guy still do exists...i thank you my dear...i'm sorry for being such a burden to you...as for your past,i dun mind...i just wana stay happily with you at this very moment...no matter what comes up ahead,i'll be prepared to go thru it...

dear called today and saying that he saw louis's fotos in my pendrive...dear,tell me honestly,do you mind? but i dont mind if you really wana delete it...it was my past memories...i didnt had a nice one anyway...all he gave me was a heartbreak all the time...you noe what,you're the first 1 who open up my pendrive..no1 ever did...not even my family...

i dont know how to put them words together...but i do know,you're important to me..i'm confident that you'll bring happiness to me...the ones that i've been long searching for...thank you dear =)

I LOVE YOU

the PD trip 06022010

woke up at 8.10am today...getting myself prepared to go to PD with my dear...he woke up late~!!! haha...but it's forgivable lar =) for the breakfast,we went to the old place..wanted to call lynn but my fon was barred and i rmb she said she's having breakfast with her family...the whole trip was so tiring...though i did nothing there...or is it,i kept sitting in the car that make me so tiring
i met audrey,dear's sister,ana and the twins...ana is very pretty and cute too...love her...talkative,active and notty...lolz...and smart too...reach his hse bout 5sth...i knew he's very tired...cuz he woke up early just to come and fetch me and he drive quite a long way...to and fro...

we talked alot today...wana know more bout him...he wanted to have another piercing...actually i dont mind...but all i think of is our future...but,i'm sorry dear =( i understand your concept of not changing yourself...and i'm sorry that i said tat way...it's not discrimination...but i wouldnt force you if you dun wan to..
i understand,cuz i also have my own concept to keep..i'm really sorry...dun worry lar...do wateva you want with it...as long as your comfortable =) that's you anyway...your looks doesnt count...all that counts is what's in you =D love you dear...

i thinking of re-piercing my nose...i had 1 before...but bcuz of one person,i took it off...sud i re-pierce? i do like nose piercing...after all,my dad didnt disagree with it...but i would need to go thru the pain again...or mayb a tattoo? drew said i sud tattoo a "fragile"...i tot so too...or my name would be nice =)

the new skin...

it's sth like turning into a new leaf...getting a new life now...leaving my past behind me...though at times,i still think of it...a new chapter begins in my life on the 31st Jan 2010...
he's kinda different...funny,cheerful,3 8,and all the other characteristics u found in me,was in him too..i can feel the loved he gave me and i'm very afraid of losing him like how i lost louis...this time,however,it's stronger ever than before...
he gave me a kind of feeling which is beyond words to describe them...secured feeling mayb? but i cant judge it at this very moment...becuz we just started...drew,would you please handle me with care?? i'm very fragile...too fragile to be broken...
will be off to PD trip tomolo with him and his sist =)

updated 02022010

we met up at terminal putra around 9 sth am...started our journey at 10 sharp...ck was late~!!! we took lotsa fotos at the station and in the bus itself...we were the youngest there...the rest were all senior citizens...
after 45 mins, we reached the cable car station...as usual,fotos time again...we checked in...actually there wasnt any rooms left till 3pm...so we chged room from 1 queen sized bed to double queen sized bed without any extra charges...
me and ck havent had our breakfast and wy & cy were feeling hungry for their lunch...we ate at a restaurant located in our hotel..finished around 12...then off to the theme park...most of the rides were under maintenance...yeah,so u could imagine how "fun" it was...lolz
we felt very tired vv soon...cuz we were in heels~!!! finished our tea break around 4sth...went back to hotel,rest and clean up ourselves for the next section...and guess wat,i'm still bathing with the door open...lolz...
we prepared ourselves for the dinner...dinner wasnt satisfying...then we walked around...wanted to watch movie there...but didnt noe why,we kept walking and we didnt stop by the cineplex...there's an exhibition there...on new year's stuff...we stopped by at the bridge there to listen to the R&B music...silly wy was dancing as if she's in the club..
we were so tired after a long walk...we sat down...finally,we decided to go starbucks...i had ice blended mocha...tiramisu & another choc cake...we share amongst ourselves..ck wasnt feeling well,so he didnt get anything for himself...chit chat,took fotos again...enjoying the cool breeze....but as the time was passing by,the cool breeze turns into SUPER DUPER cold wind and the fog was heavy...we went back as ck wasnt feeling well...
here i am,sitting at old town...will be back to kl tomolo...updating soon with the fotos =D

Trip 02022010

it's 8am in the morning...well,as we planned earlier,we're going to genting...it was suppose to be all gurls...which is me,wy,cy and lynn...but lynn couldnt go,instead,ck took her place...erm...ck is consider as our gang and he's quite close to us lar..i guess tat's alright...
andrew will be fetching me...will be meeting wy at the melawati station...then oni to the bus stop...cuz i dunno where it's located...it's still early and i'm already well prepared...will be back on the 3rd...hopes that this trip is better than i thought lar...